i’m a false introvert

a kid with a backpack on the mountains

i always thought i was an introvert. a very typical introvert.

someone that likes to be quiet. to have profound conversations.
who likes to read and stay at home. who has a big imagination, with much more bigger dreams.

but i’m discovering my b side. like the ones we find in old cassettes and vinyls. remember?

i always had a wild, adventurer side, though.

i would be the kid on the top of a tree. fearless.
i would be the girl playing with the boys, and getting bored when princess role-playing.

i would be the tom-boy, running, getting into fights, and finding myself dirty because of playing on the sand.

always on the street looking for trouble. always making new friends, and new conversations.

i was the girl who enjoyed to dance, and gaze at the stars.
i was the girl who enjoyed to sing out loud, and read very quietly. for hours.
i was the girl who wrote passionately. and had her knees hurt all the time.

i am a false introvert

because i also love being around people. the people i can connect at a deep level. the people i can be myself without fear. the people i can laugh until my stomach hurts. the people i can cry until my heart goes dry. the people that don’t mind if i’m being too quiet or too loud. the people i can dance with, or getting bored with.

but chit-chat people drains me. close minded people saddens me. and i tend to avoid straight lines and personalities.

i am a false introvert

because i was trapped in my own wall. one i built for protection and ultimately caused me harm.

gladly, it is made of glass. and they are throwing little stones at it. my walls are starting to break and i can see some light, and color. it’s beautiful!

if we pick what the world says about introversion, and apply some thought…

it’s easy to realize you weren’t born an introvert, nor you need to be one all your life. nor do you have to choose to be either an extra or an intra.

we tend to be one or the other, because it makes us comfortable. if you’re weird, like me, it’s easier to find solace on being quiet: you won’t stand out too much, and be criticized.

if you’re not weird and you fit in easily, then extroversion seems like the best tool for you.

it’s all about energy, right?

and energy can be changed. the hard part it’s to find the trigger.

by exploring my inner-child and starting dancing zumba, i’m reviving and reliving some old stories. i’m remembering how i used to be, before any conditioning.

and i was that girl i told you about up there. free, bold, wild.

now, no one would describe that way. they would say gentle, innocent, quiet.

but give me a few days.

i can be fierce, yet soft. i can be bountiful, and lovely. i can be peaceful, but rebellious.

and i will.

what are your own paradoxes? are you too a false introvert or, oh my!, a false extrovert?

«-,- { be magic, } -‘-»

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#themaskwriter

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if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

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p. s. if you trip, let it make part of the dance. 💜

8 ways zumba is making me feel alive

girl dancing in open air

moving diaries // zumba nr. 2

if you haven’t read zumba nr. 1, go ahead and know what i’ve learned so far.

i’m still amazed how dancing releases my wild nature, my true self.

my husband says i don’t look like myself, because i’m more extroverted. more bossy: i do ask for what i want, with no apologies. with no excuses. with no holding backs.

and i replied: that doesn’t mean i’m not being myself. it just shows that people aren’t used to that side of my personality. that they don’t know my real self, because i was never able to reveal it.

and that’s kind of sexy.

i feel so free, so energized. so optimistic about the future.

zumba makes me feel like i can accomplish anything. that life is wonderful and magical.

that everything will work out.

zumba shows me this moment is perfect. even if i am not.

for that, i want to thank pedro carneiro – my instructor.

he is funny, sexy, a great dancer. i couldn’t ask for a better teacher.

the thing is he motivates you without saying a thing. he smiles and nods, and slows down just a little bit so we can get into the flow whenever we feel lost.

through him, i’m learning

zumba is a lot like life.

it can be unpredictable, because as soon you think you got the hang out of stuff. it goes and changes.

it can be vulnerable, as you need to work with your body, your mind, your feelings while showing yourself to other people.

it can be frustrating. you will make a lot of mistakes along the way, and even feel lost. and everyone will seem better at it than you are. but it also teaches you that each new step is an opportunity to change courses, to learn, to be better. and ultimately, to excel.

it can be revealing. you’re immersed in yourself and you have to deal with whatever comes to surface, without loosing focus. you’ll get to know how strong you are, and where do you need support.

it can be fun. you are there: enjoying the music, the movement, the rhythm, the body. and you are allowed to play and be silly.

it can be sensual. there are many ways to move your body, your hands, your belly, your booty. bodies are sexy, personalities are sexy. and don’t get fooled, your character will show up.

it can be tiring and energizing, at the same time. and you’ll think about giving up. and you’ll have the motivation to keep going, nonetheless. but it’s always good to have water running in your system, and a towel to tell you how sweaty, but awesome, you are.

it will be magical,

because you are magic. your body is magic, your spirit is magic. and your mind do wonders.

so…

«-,- { be magic, } -‘-»

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#themaskwriter

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if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

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p. s. what is your favorite dance move? mine? this one.

p. p. s. dancing is another kind of flying, is it not?

10 real promises i made to my husband

happy couple

when people get married they usually share vows of eternal love, respect, and loyalty. until death do us part.

although i know i met my soulmate, i find those promises unrealistic. people aren’t perfect, we make mistakes. we aren’t always able to love, to forgive, to respect, or to be loyal. and we can grow in separate ways. death isn’t always the finish line.

i am aware of how harsh i can be. or how unconfident and touchy.

i am aware of how tired he can become. and overwhelmed. and lost.

so i made my own kind of vows, only promising what i can keep:

// i promise that i will fail, sometimes, in all my promises. because i love you in the human and imperfect way i am

// i promise that i will have a bad temper and bad days, and that i will do my best to not be as constant and exuberant as my good temper and good days

// i promise to disrespect you, to judge you unfairly, to be upset without reason, and to learn at each mistake and to compensate you with three times more respect, justice and contentment

// i promise to be distrustful, and jealously enough. so you can know how much i want you

// i promise to lead you to the extreme, so much in the good as in the bad. so you can be imperfect with me, and we could be gods together

// i promise to make you unhappy, so you can appreciate the many good moments we have

// i promise to question you, to throw you problems, surround you with doubts and like this we think about solutions, alternatives and different ways of thinking

// i promise to forget, here and there, about the promises i made. trusting you to remind me of them

// i promise that these promises are incomplete and will be subjected to changes in the future. very likely there will be added more promises and the old ones will be improved. because i am imperfect and also very forgetful!

// i promise to give you the worst and the best in me, and to embrace the worst and best in you. so we can involve ourselves in the most profound of who we are

i invite you to do the same towards your partner, or even yourself! and share in the comments:

what are your promises?

«-,- { be magic, } -‘-»

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#themaskwriter

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if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

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p. s. i never married, but i choose every day to connect my soul to his.

it isn’t all about stuff

books, flowers and a cup of coffee on a table

// following my values as much as i question them. so i’m not trapped in my own mind, in my own box and can find alternatives and new ways of thinking, and new ways of doing and of living.

#12 of 17 mantras of simple living

simple living is often considered as the opposing view of materialism.

at the beginning of my journey, i agreed deeply with that way of looking at life: either you are a consumer or a creator.

but, i’m starting to realize that simple living is much more than that.

it’s about intention.

and intention isn’t only about our consuming habits.

intention is about doing things because you want to. you can be a consumer and a creator. you are a consumer and a creator.

simple living is also about enjoying the moment.

so not only you do the stuff you want, you also enjoy it the most you can. you’re there, in the moment.

in a simple life, you create room to what you enjoy. and you sit down with what you don’t. welcoming any feeling, any experience.

simple living is accepting what is.

sure, there are a lot more to it. like doing the best you can with what you have. not putting anything to waste – having a conscious behavior aligned with nature.

if we accept that we are nature, rather than a part of it, or a changing force on it, leading a simple life is as simple as it can be.

it’s you being deeply you.

what have your journey on a simple life taught you?

«-,- { be magic, } -‘-»

vector of a venetian mask

#themaskwriter

<<<333

if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

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p. s. i’m accepting guest-posts! would you like to write for #themaskwriter? send me a message or comment below.

why routines are killing you and what to do about it

before going to routines. let me tell you about what i discover today about death, life and sex.

have you heard about the death drive?

it is a psychoanalytic term to explain the desire of death. not per se, but a version of it that goes against the drive of pleasure, of creation and life.

it seems like death and sex are two sides of the same coin.

i will be digressing here, but although i always knew that sex was a mean of reproduction, and that reproduction meant creating something new. i always found hard to relate it to creativity.

weird that i haven’t made that connection before, isn’t it?

when i was studying reiki, and about the second chackra {that is related to passion, pleasure, sexuality and, yes, creativity} i always wondered why creativity was there. it seemed very out of place. as i related my creativity to my mind, my neurons and the appearance of new synapses.

i’m now re-descovering my sexual energy, my power as a female. {if you’d like to know how, i’d love to tell you on my bitsy letter. it doesn’t feel right to share them here. (;}

sex can be very vulnerable, very open.

we are a whole.

and it also can be very affirmative. and powerful.

kevin-lee-89432

sex is an art of surrendering to the other and a statement of your own self.

the death drive, being its counter-part, is a way of evasion. of conformism. of being diluted so we can fit in.

it’s a surrender nonetheless. the surrender of our uniqueness. it’s a statement nonetheless. of a fear. the fear of being different. the fear of not being accepted. the fear of not being loved.

it all comes down to love, isn’t it?

so we surround ourselves with routines.

as a creative person, immersing myself in routines is very boring. and i can’t really put my heart into it.

i don’t have routines. although they say that’s important to write and build a successful blog, and to create an habit.

i trust my intuition better.

for example, i like to do yoga early-ish in the morning. 7 a.m. more or less. but there are days, like today, which i don’t feel inspired to do more than a few movements.

and that’s ok. we don’t need to force ourselves to do anything. force is violence, which is death.

{well, actually violence comes from the latin word vis, that means vital force. but one that leads to destruction.}

instead,

we want flow.

i want flow.

but the thing about flow is that it’s full of surprises, of mysteries, of the unknown, of stepping on the dark.

we usually like to see where we’re heading, won’t a hole appear at our feet and we start seeing tiny doors and little bottles having who knows what and telling you to drink them.

yeah, wonderland.

without those pits and falls. we won’t have wonderlands.

with repetition we don’t get surprised. we can’t grasp the magic around us.

we don’t stop to see our idiosyncrasies, the witty moments of nature, the irony of life.

owl with funny face

the only thing on your to-do list should be:

remember to stop.

 

so today, add that to your calendar. as many times possible.

 

stop as you wake up and enjoy the sun beam on your face.

stop as you have your meal, and smell its nourishment.

stop and listen to that person talking to you, and look her in the eyes.

stop looking at your instagram feed. and observe what’s right in front of you.

stop and use your senses.

stop and open yourself to the surprises this universe has to offer you.

deal? good! (:

after you do that one thing of your to-do list, add another and pay it forward. if you want an idea, you can always share what secret garden you found. 💜

«-,- { keep the magic rolling, } -‘-»

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#themaskwriter

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if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

~~~~

p. s. your soul knows everything already, let her be your guide.

17 mantras of simple living

simple life

as a free spirit living a simple life, i vow myself to the universe in:

// living my life with clear intentions, in a mindful and kind way.

// loving unconditionally, and respecting others as they are. may that be another being, nature or the universe.

// letting go what no longer serves me, or doesn’t have any purpose in my life.

// slowing down, so i can pay attention to my body, my feelings and my soul. to follow my intuition, and give space to my inner-voice to speak up.

// deepening the relationships i have with all the parts of this universe. using tools like meditation, journaling, and yoga to reach my inner layers. so i can discover who i am, and shed a new light to the world.

// being kind in every action. to give back and forward in any way i can, without expectations or second thoughts. and in so doing, leaving everything around and within me in a better shape than i encountered.

// being vulnerable and honest, even if it’s difficult and unpleasant. so the connections i make are true and powerful and capable of change.

// paying attention to the magic of the world. and notice its fleeting beautiful moments. and treasure them in my heart, to when i need some inspiration, some support, or some positivity.

// taking care of myself, as i would of my kid. to forgive myself for the mistakes i do, to understand i am not perfect and to know i always am the best i can.

// forgiving myself and others for being imperfect and not knowing or not being capable of acting on a kinder way. so i can heal myself and live in a more meaningful way.

// taking lessons everywhere and embed them in my life. not to be smarter or better, but to serve this world as it deserves.

// following my values as much as i question them. so i’m not trapped in my own mind, in my own box and can find alternatives and new ways of thinking, and new ways of doing  and of living.

// living in the moment. it’s all i have.

// being one with nature. return to my roots and absorb the wisdom lying on the ground, flying through the airs, travelling by the waters, and burning passionately with the fires.

// playing like a child. and not taking anything seriously. to look at my roundabouts with awe and first-time sight. to touch everything, and open it up. to deconstruct and reconstruct. to build and destroy over and over. to die and reborn in million ways, so i can better understand what this is all about. to fall and stand up. to never really quit. to dream and never think of the impossible.

// making stuff with my own hands. even if it’s dirty. or if it seems too difficult. to trust my creativity and ability to make something new out of something old.

// taking responsibility for my every action. as everything i do will have an effect on others, either i’m aware of that or not.

// making the best i can with what i have. no resource is limitless. every grain of soil, drop of water, spark of fire, gasp of air, inch of space, and millisecond of time is incredibly priceless and i must treat it as such.

// thanking every second i am alive, and every experience i am allowed to get, and every person i meet, and every stuff i have the luck to put my hands on. and realize that i am all i can ever have. i am all i can ever be.

simple living manifesto

what is simple living to you?

«-,- { keep writing, } -‘-»

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#themaskwriter

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if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

~~~~

p. s. did you know that my best creative time is past midnight? it’s 2 a.m. already!

the 4 best things a zumba class can teach you

moving diaries // zumba nr. 2

today i went to a zumba class.

it was my first work-out {if i don’t count yoga} in two decades. yes, two decades!

and i’ve learnt quite a few things about my body and my beliefs.

as i entered the room, i saw it was filled with mirrors, projecting my image front and back. fear appeared right away.

i became too self-aware of my weight, of my body shape, and of my lack of exercise / healthy routine.

it brought to the surface all the bad choices i’ve made through these last two years. and probably all my life as well. the sugar addiction, the lazy and slow movements.

i could see clearly how much my body was occupying space. both because of its size and the places it went {that it shouldn’t} when i was making a mistake. and hence occupying a place that should be, i mean, could be of someone else’s.

i felt like the stereotypical mother that starts to become lazy, fat, unpleasantly looking because she spends all day with her kid, at home.

the clothes i chose didn’t help me. they were too close to my skin. not giving it room to be.

at first, my sexy fat belly showed up. and i was always pulling my pants up. i was feeling more and more uncomfortable. more and more ashamed of my body. how it represented me.

then, i pulled them up for the last time, and laced them tightly. at least, there were no more falling stomachs.

at the second song, i was already feeling exhausted. only being able to follow the simplest of steps, and not having the energy to memorize the choreography.

i made mistake, after mistake.

going south, when i should go north. stepping once when i should step twice. using the wrong foot, turning to the wrong side.

but i didn’t get frustrated. even on being wrong i did something right: i never stopped.

being tired didn’t stop me. being wrong didn’t stop me. being ashamed didn’t stop me.

i did check the time several, well, times. wishing for all to end soon.

i was not getting the thrill i usually do when dancing. but i was purifying myself. releasing bad energies, so i could welcome new ones.

my tights were hurting so much, that i needed to focus on what i was doing rather than what i was feeling and thinking.

every time i did it, the choreography seemed a little easier. i wasn’t making so many mistakes. and i could enjoy the experience.

i wasn’t a victim. i was a warrior.

{this is the first time, and probably only, i make an exception, to use a violent word to describe my thoughts. as i don’t find any other suitable, and positive, synonym.}

every time i thought: when does this ends? i stayed with my emotions of tiredness, shame and discomfort. and i thanked for being able to experience and overcome them.

at the end of the practice, we did some stretches, some breathing and some relaxation movements. i breathed deeply. feeling safe again, feeling proud, feeling peaceful.

exercise is pure alchemy.

that is my a-ha moment. i never felt exercise, not even yoga, as today. and it’s not that i never tried zumba before. or aerobics. or basketball. or…

i knew that exercise is good for your health, like everyone does. that it leaves you happy as it removes the toxins of your body, while injecting you with serotonin.

but…

i never saw a shift on my energy before.

i realized that zumba had a strange effect on me. like i was high on drugs {although i never had drugs, so i can’t really compare}. i was more confident. more in touch with my wild nature {that i was dying to connect with, and to put on the outside world}.

i made jokes, like i haven’t done for years. i spoke my mind, like i never have the courage to do. i asked for what i wanted, like the deserving person i am.

maybe it isn’t only zumba that contributed to this transformation {which will only last for a few hours, until i get used to the dopamine and this new becoming self}. probably the freedom tribe course is playing a big deal, with all the journaling and meditation and the share of resources and experiences.

maybe what i’m reading, and listening, and seeing and applying to my life is creating new synapses, and finding their way to make me leave my chrysalis to become a beautiful, bodacious, and bountiful butterfly.

care to show me your wings as well?

«-,- { keep writing, } -‘-»

vector of a venetian mask

#themaskwriter

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if you liked this x, you'll love my y.

~~~~

p. s. when was your last epiphany and how did it happen? i’m obsessed with a-ha moments!

have you stopped today to just feel?

hand touching feet

IMG_20170608_074755

i woke up and prepared my semi-hot water with lemon juice, then went outside. i rolled out my mat, looked at the white sky, felt the pale light onto my skin and began my sun salutions.

taking deep breaths.

feeling peaceful.

feeling whole.

as i breathed in. and breathed out. as i stretched and contracted. as i was becoming more and more aware…

vintage cloudy sky

i realized

we take our senses for granted.

i was having such joy just for listening to the beautiful silence of birds chirping. of kids giggling on their way to school. of cars passing by.

i was so content by feeling my feet on the ground, and my arms reaching up the heavens. of my heart beating and telling me i was alive. of my lungs full and empty telling me i can be both.

i was feeling such magic by being there, at that moment. completely alone, yet completely connected.

hand touching feet

and i wondered how many times i stopped to enjoy my senses. because it’s through our senses that we experience, transform and are changed {by} the world.

the senses are what connects our spirits to the entities of our reality. to our material side.

what is the texture of your soul? your body.

what is the texture of your body? did you stop to feel it? to caress it? to love it?

mine is soft and warm. my little blonde hairs feel cozy. it makes me want to kiss my own skin.

what is your smell? what the back of your neck smells like? what smell has your breakfast?

i can’t possibly know how my neck smells like. but my breakfast smells like sweetness and earth and purity. lemon has a sweet smell for me, even a sweet taste!

IMG_20170608_074621

what are the tastes of your world? the sights? the temperatures? the weights? the itches, the pains?

today, take a bit of your time to experiment with your impressions of the world. how does it feel like on your body.

don’t take for granted the scene of a flower dancing to the wind. of your loved one laughing. of a soil gently nurtured by rain. of your cozy blanket. of the chills a breeze makes on your skin.

those are magical moments to treasure. savor them.

yolo. seize the day. carpe diem.

«-,- { keep writing, } -‘-»

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#themaskwriter

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if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

~~~~

p. s. did this post brought you some joy? do you want to see me grow? please share the love with your friends!

p. p. s. i’m on instagram, like my photos @themaskwriter💜

how to grow your universe right now

seeds of dandelion flying

do not plant only one seed. nor only one kind of seed. forests are made of a vibrant diversity of trees, and plants, and weeds, and flowers. all with a purpose, in a symbiotic ecosystem. well, most of the times.

and through pollination, new kinds of trees, and plants, and weeds, and flowers will blossom. and your world will become even more magical.

the seeds are already inside you: the passions, the fears, the hardships. the pollination will be your neurons, your imagination, your meditation routine.

so, don’t plant only one seed. don’t plant only one kind of seed. but as many as you can. and give them your unconditional love.

«-,- { keep writing, } -‘-»

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<<<333

if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

~~~~

p. s. show me some of your seeds on your comments!

is there a van waiting for you too?

night sky

an important part of achieving our dreams is to visualize them. to feel them as true and already here.

in my goal to a simple life, and also a vanlife, i’ll start to write here about my dreams, my aspirations, my intentions. it will be easier for me to track what’s going on in my life, and if it’s going on the direction i wish it to be.

so let’s start with the vanlife.

~~~

i imagine having a medium black suitcase, with a few of our possessions. mostly clothes, and other indispensable items.

our van isn't very big, nor brand-new. it exhales history and has traveled to many beautiful places before having our butts in it.

we've decorated it with beautiful colors on the outside, as a statement of who we are as a family. they are vibrant and makes us think of the universe's magic.

inside, we have paper planes, smiley pictures and a big map with pins telling the places we've went. there's a cabinet with a couple of books, a notebook filled with stories and drawings, and a very special pen.

we wash our clothes by hand, and let it dry by the sun and the wind. we pick our bikes to discover the cities, the towns, the people. we have a few vases where we plant some lettuce, tomatoes, and aromatic plants. and we make delicious food in our little fire pan. we rest on hammocks by the shadows of trees. and put fallen flowers on our ears.

we park by the beaches, and sing and dance on the sand by the sunset. we park by the mountains and watch the sunrise while eating eggs. we park in camping sites to experience the comfort of warm water and to share experiences with fellow travelers.

we are wanderers without destination. and we hold hands like newly couples. our son runs back and forward in front of us, trying to find new adventures. we hug, our special "three-hug". and we give unexpected kisses in unexpected places.

to earn some money, my husband helps the fishermen by mending their nets. or sells ice-cream to tourists. i create things with my hands like necklaces made of sea, and craft poems to anyone who wants to hear them. while i devote my time to watch my son grow, and my blog along with him.

i write the amazing stories i experienced, and share every lesson that blessed me. i design what comes to my heart and be the artist my soul craves me to be.

our son is wild and free and explores what's around him. climbing trees, smelling flowers, asking questions.

we help and give back and forward, where we are needed. we gather in bonfires, with guitars, ukuleles, and djambes.

and before we go to sleep, we look at the stars and tell the fables we were once told. me and my husband then embrace our love, that falls asleep with a smile. and we give our good nights sealed with a kiss. dreaming with gratitude on our hearts.
<h3 style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #e0c389;">what does your dream look like?</span></h3>
<strong><span style="color: #e0c389;">«-,- { keep writing, } -'-»</span></strong>

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if you liked this x, you'll love my <a href="https://themaskwriter.wordpress.com/2017/05/31/dashes-of-meditation-be-your-own-tree/&quot; target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">y</a>.

~~~~

p. s. don’t you love to dream?