i’m a false introvert

i always thought i was an introvert. a very typical introvert.

someone that likes to be quiet. to have profound conversations.
who likes to read and stay at home. who has a big imagination, with much more bigger dreams.

but i’m discovering my b side. like the ones we find in old cassettes and vinyls. remember?

i always had a wild, adventurer side, though.

i would be the kid on the top of a tree. fearless.
i would be the girl playing with the boys, and getting bored when princess role-playing.

i would be the tom-boy, running, getting into fights, and finding myself dirty because of playing on the sand.

always on the street looking for trouble. always making new friends, and new conversations.

i was the girl who enjoyed to dance, and gaze at the stars.
i was the girl who enjoyed to sing out loud, and read very quietly. for hours.
i was the girl who wrote passionately. and had her knees hurt all the time.

i am a false introvert

because i also love being around people. the people i can connect at a deep level. the people i can be myself without fear. the people i can laugh until my stomach hurts. the people i can cry until my heart goes dry. the people that don’t mind if i’m being too quiet or too loud. the people i can dance with, or getting bored with.

but chit-chat people drains me. close minded people saddens me. and i tend to avoid straight lines and personalities.

i am a false introvert

because i was trapped in my own wall. one i built for protection and ultimately caused me harm.

gladly, it is made of glass. and they are throwing little stones at it. my walls are starting to break and i can see some light, and color. it’s beautiful!

if we pick what the world says about introversion, and apply some thought…

it’s easy to realize you weren’t born an introvert, nor you need to be one all your life. nor do you have to choose to be either an extra or an intra.

we tend to be one or the other, because it makes us comfortable. if you’re weird, like me, it’s easier to find solace on being quiet: you won’t stand out too much, and be criticized.

if you’re not weird and you fit in easily, then extroversion seems like the best tool for you.

it’s all about energy, right?

and energy can be changed. the hard part it’s to find the trigger.

by exploring my inner-child and starting dancing zumba, i’m reviving and reliving some old stories. i’m remembering how i used to be, before any conditioning.

and i was that girl i told you about up there. free, bold, wild.

now, no one would describe that way. they would say gentle, innocent, quiet.

but give me a few days.

i can be fierce, yet soft. i can be bountiful, and lovely. i can be peaceful, but rebellious.

and i will.

what are your own paradoxes? are you too a false introvert or, oh my!, a false extrovert?

«-,- { be magic, } -‘-»

vector of a venetian mask

#themaskwriter

<<<333

if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

~~~~

p. s. if you trip, let it make part of the dance. 💜

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3 Replies to “i’m a false introvert”

  1. i used to think this way too few years ago, and i tried to be more extrovert during the time in college, but i found that i was acting, that side of me wasn’t real because it was hard to keep myself that way, it left me powerless and tired.
    so, i found an amazing friend and spent my two years just with him, and i was happy. then, i can say that i tried hahah but honestly, i am entirely introvert. but i like your thoughts about this, and it’s nice to know that some people have the gift to be both!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. when i was a kid, i didn’t think about if i was an extrovert or an introvert. i was just being, the good thing about bring a kid. as a teenager, i believed i was an introvert. and i think that had a lot to do by being conditioned: i often felt useless and my self-esteem were keep at very low levels by both my school and my family. so no wonder i tried not to be noticed.

      nowadays, it really depends who i am with, my level of energy, my self-confidence, my mood and what i feel like doing. it’s being great to discover another side of my personality and don’t feel as trapped as i used to do as an introvert. i’m not saying every introvert feels that way, probably most feel liberated instead by giving themselves the gift of not having to be an extrovert, or to pretend they are one. it’s just my own experience as an human being.

      thank you so much for your comment! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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