the 4 best things a zumba class can teach you

moving diaries // zumba nr. 1

if you missed the other diary entries, check them here.

today i went to a zumba class.

it was my first work-out {if i don’t count yoga} in two decades. yes, two decades!

and i’ve learnt quite a few things about my body and my beliefs.

as i entered the room, i saw it was filled with mirrors, projecting my image front and back. fear appeared right away.

i became too self-aware of my weight, of my body shape, and of my lack of exercise / healthy routine.

it brought to the surface all the bad choices i’ve made through these last two years. and probably all my life as well. the sugar addiction, the lazy and slow movements.

i could see clearly how much my body was occupying space. both because of its size and the places it went {that it shouldn’t} when i was making a mistake. and hence occupying a place that should be, i mean, could be of someone else’s.

i felt like the stereotypical mother that starts to become lazy, fat, unpleasantly looking because she spends all day with her kid, at home.

the clothes i chose didn’t help me. they were too close to my skin. not giving it room to be.

at first, my sexy fat belly showed up. and i was always pulling my pants up. i was feeling more and more uncomfortable. more and more ashamed of my body. how it represented me.

then, i pulled them up for the last time, and laced them tightly. at least, there were no more falling stomachs.

at the second song, i was already feeling exhausted. only being able to follow the simplest of steps, and not having the energy to memorize the choreography.

i made mistake, after mistake.

going south, when i should go north. stepping once when i should step twice. using the wrong foot, turning to the wrong side.

but i didn’t get frustrated. even on being wrong i did something right: i never stopped.

being tired didn’t stop me. being wrong didn’t stop me. being ashamed didn’t stop me.

i did check the time several, well, times. wishing for all to end soon.

i was not getting the thrill i usually do when dancing. but i was purifying myself. releasing bad energies, so i could welcome new ones.

my tights were hurting so much, that i needed to focus on what i was doing rather than what i was feeling and thinking.

every time i did it, the choreography seemed a little easier. i wasn’t making so many mistakes. and i could enjoy the experience.

i wasn’t a victim. i was a warrior.

{this is the first time, and probably only, i make an exception, to use a violent word to describe my thoughts. as i don’t find any other suitable, and positive, synonym.}

every time i thought: when does this ends? i stayed with my emotions of tiredness, shame and discomfort. and i thanked for being able to experience and overcome them.

at the end of the practice, we did some stretches, some breathing and some relaxation movements. i breathed deeply. feeling safe again, feeling proud, feeling peaceful.

exercise is pure alchemy.

that is my a-ha moment. i never felt exercise, not even yoga, as today. and it’s not that i never tried zumba before. or aerobics. or basketball. or…

i knew that exercise is good for your health, like everyone does. that it leaves you happy as it removes the toxins of your body, while injecting you with serotonin.

but…

i never saw a shift on my energy before.

i realized that zumba had a strange effect on me. like i was high on drugs {although i never had drugs, so i can’t really compare}. i was more confident. more in touch with my wild nature {that i was dying to connect with, and to put on the outside world}.

i made jokes, like i haven’t done for years. i spoke my mind, like i never have the courage to do. i asked for what i wanted, like the deserving person i am.

maybe it isn’t only zumba that contributed to this transformation {which will only last for a few hours, until i get used to the dopamine and this new becoming self}. probably the freedom tribe course is playing a big deal, with all the journaling and meditation and the share of resources and experiences.

maybe what i’m reading, and listening, and seeing and applying to my life is creating new synapses, and finding their way to make me leave my chrysalis to become a beautiful, bodacious, and bountiful butterfly.

care to show me your wings as well?

«-,- { keep writing, } -‘-»

vector of a venetian mask

#themaskwriter

<<<333

if you liked this x, you’ll love my y.

~~~~

p. s. when was your last epiphany and how did it happen? i’m obsessed with a-ha moments!

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8 Replies to “the 4 best things a zumba class can teach you”

  1. Just found your blog and I just had to comment and say I love your Zumba story! I’ve heard it’s a lot of fun, but I’m so uncoordinated and awful at following directions, that somewhere along the lines, I made the decision that it’s not for me.
    I love that you overcame the struggle and really found yourself enjoying it! Yay! Thank you for sharing 🙂
    Jo-Ann

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hi jo-ann! welcome to this little space. (:

      i think you should give it a try. i am not very coordinated myself, but i do love to dance. and you know what they say, practice makes perfection. the most important thing is to have a good time!

      also, once you get used to the choreography isn’t as difficult. i know that because i used to dance aerobics, which is similar but at a slower pace.

      do you want to know the secret? don’t think too much about what you’re doing, just go with the flow. your body knows how to move, the problem is that we’re control freaks. (;

      Liked by 1 person

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